“Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:
And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”
-Proverbs 24:3-4 (KJV)
African Proverb: A house that is not repaired will eventually shelter lizards.
An Opening Story: The House That Was Never Finished
There was once a man who built a beautiful house at the edge of a growing town. The foundation was solid, the walls strong, and the roof well laid. When people passed by, they admired it and said, “What a perfect home.”
But years passed, and the owner refused to repair small cracks. He ignored leaking pipes because they were “not serious.” He dismissed creaking sounds in the roof, saying, “It has stood this long.” Slowly, moisture entered. Termites followed. One day, a wall collapsed, not because the house was poorly built, but because it was poorly maintained.
Relationships collapse the same way. Not from one loud disaster, but from many quiet neglects. A healthy relationship is never a finished building; it is always under construction.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE DESIGNS, NOT ACCIDENTS
Every meaningful relationship, marriage, friendship, family, ministry, or community, is a deliberate design. Nothing strong in life emerges by chance. Just as no house builds itself, no healthy relationship sustains itself without intention.
Many people approach relationships with a consumer mindset rather than a builder’s mindset. They ask, “What am I getting?” instead of, “What am I building?” Yet Scripture teaches that wisdom builds. Love is not merely felt; it is constructed.
When relationships are treated as accidents of emotion, they collapse under pressure. But when they are treated as designs requiring skill, patience, and vision, they endure storms.
A relationship is not proof of arrival; it is proof of responsibility.
FOUNDATION: CHARACTER BEFORE CHEMISTRY
Every building begins with a foundation. If the foundation is weak, no amount of decoration can save the structure. In relationships, character is the foundation.
Attraction may start the building, but integrity sustains it. Chemistry can bring people together quickly, but character keeps them together safely.
Many relationships fail because they were built on excitement rather than values, on convenience rather than conviction. When storms come, and they always do, what was built on sand begins to sink.
A strong foundation includes honesty, humility, self-control, and accountability. These are not glamorous traits, but they are load-bearing pillars. Remove them, and the structure cannot stand.
WISDOM IS THE MASTER BUILDER
Scripture says, “Through wisdom is an house builded.” Wisdom is the architect of healthy relationships. Wisdom knows when to speak and when to be silent. Wisdom understands timing, tone, and boundaries.
Many conflicts are not caused by evil intentions but by the absence of wisdom. Words spoken without wisdom damage walls. Decisions made without wisdom weaken beams.
Wise people do not just react; they respond. They do not only feel; they discern. Wisdom teaches us that not every truth must be spoken immediately, and not every disagreement must become a battle.
Without wisdom, love becomes reckless. With wisdom, love becomes safe.
UNDERSTANDING ESTABLISHES THE STRUCTURE
The Bible says, “By understanding it is established.” Understanding is what stabilizes relationships. It is the willingness to see from another’s perspective, to listen before judging, and to interpret actions with grace rather than suspicion.
Many relationships shake because partners seek to be understood but refuse to understand. They shout their needs while ignoring the cries of the other.
Understanding does not mean agreement. It means empathy. It means saying, “Help me see what you see.” When understanding is present, misunderstandings lose their power.
A relationship without understanding may exist, but it will never be established.
KNOWLEDGE FILLS THE ROOMS
“By knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Knowledge here speaks of learning, learning the person, their history, their wounds, their love language, their fears, and their strengths.
You cannot love deeply what you do not know intentionally. Assumptions create empty rooms; knowledge fills them.
Healthy relationships require continuous learning. People grow, seasons change, and expectations evolve. What worked five years ago may not work today.
When learning stops, intimacy dries up. Knowledge is what turns a house into a home.
MAINTENANCE IS PROOF OF VALUE
The African proverb warns us: A house that is not repaired will eventually shelter lizards. Neglect invites invasion.
Maintenance is not a sign of weakness; it is proof of value. Apologies are maintenance. Difficult conversations are maintenance. Forgiveness is maintenance. Quality time is maintenance.
Many people wait for relationships to “fix themselves.” Houses do not repair themselves. Cracks do not heal on their own. Silence does not equal peace; it often equals decay.
What you refuse to repair today will demand replacement tomorrow.
CONFLICT IS CONSTRUCTION NOISE
Every construction site is noisy. Conflict in relationships is not always a sign of danger; often, it is a sign of growth. The problem is not conflict, it is unmanaged conflict.
Healthy relationships know how to fight without destroying. They confront issues without attacking identities. They correct without contempt.
Avoiding conflict does not preserve peace; it postpones collapse. When handled with respect and humility, conflict strengthens structures and clarifies expectations.
Silence may keep the noise down, but it also stops progress.
PATIENCE IS THE BUILDING PROCESS
No meaningful structure is completed overnight. Relationships require time. Patience allows grace to work. It gives room for growth, mistakes, and maturity.
Impatience rushes decisions, forces outcomes, and ignores process. Many relationships break not because they were wrong, but because they were rushed.
God Himself is patient in His dealings with humanity. Love that reflects God must also learn patience.
If you rush the process, you weaken the product.
NEGLECT IS A SILENT DEMOLITION
Neglect is rarely dramatic. It is quiet. It looks like postponed conversations, unreturned affection, delayed apologies, and assumed understanding.
People do not wake up one day and decide to destroy a relationship. They simply stop building.
Neglect creates emotional distance long before physical separation. By the time collapse is visible, damage has been happening for years.
Attention is the currency of love. Where attention goes, life flows.
COMMIT TO LIFELONG CONSTRUCTION
A healthy relationship is not a finished building to admire; it is a lifelong construction site to steward. There will always be something to reinforce, repaint, realign, or rebuild.
The goal is not perfection, but faithfulness. Not flawlessness, but commitment.
When wisdom builds, understanding stabilizes, and knowledge fills, relationships become shelters of peace rather than ruins of regret.
May we become builders, not occupants only. May we repair before collapse. And may our relationships stand as living testimonies that love, when maintained, can endure generations.
Final African Reflection: The house that survives the storm is not the one without cracks, but the one whose owner keeps repairing it.
